standing with hope

If you know me in any kind of way outside of the internet there’s a 99.9% chance you’ve heard me say the phrase, “Sorry,I’m late.” I fall into the category of those with “‘chronic lateness”. While I would love to blame this on being the mom of three wild boys, the truth is I’ve been this way my whole life. Same with my poor memory for every day tasks. Like where did I put my keys? Why isn’t my debit card in my wallet? One time when the boys were about 3 and 4, we were in the car getting ready to back out of the driveway. One of our 3 year olds asked, “Mom, do you have your glasses, wallet, keys and phone?” Humbling to say the least.

I thought this blog would be late. I’ve spent more than the past three years thinking it was, but here it is. And I’m confident it is right on time. Despite the loss of my grandma, who happened to be one of my best friends, in recent months and the challenge of creating this site myself, I made it! Thank God! As the world around me seemed to be crumbling at an accelerated rate in 2020, I thought for sure that was the time. I had a lot to say. Well, more than usual. I love to write and I always have. I love people and I always have. I was a joyful person until I wasn’t.

By the end of 2020, a trusted friend and PR guru had been meeting with me to talk through logistics and reviewing my work. Sitting in a booth in a cute, little Mediterranean restaurant smashing, she asked, “Can I be totally honest with you?” I was actually relieved by the question. “Everything you are writing is good, but it sounds like a desperate attempt to save your sons.”

And she was right. I knew something was off but I couldn’t identify it.

We are raising three sons who happen to be Black and Brown and even before hashtags and 2020, we were well aware of racial hostility and compiling our own list of experiences with our kids. I realized that I had been writing out of a place of concern-but mostly fear and anger-who are close relatives. You can’t hear tone in writing, so whether or not people could perceive my anger and fear, mostly anger, I knew the place I was writing from. That was all that mattered. I don’t think my anger was wrong, but letting it consume me in the way it did was. Turns out, being consumed by anger is for real NOT a fruit of the Spirit.

So here we are. A few years have passed.

My grandma once told me, “When your mouth is open, your ears are shut.” So instead of further unleashing my emotions, I sat back and shut my proverbial mouth. While that phrase could be applied in a lot of different ways, I only took it as one. I needed to quiet my spirit and listen. Not to NPR or my favorite people on Insta, but Jesus. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (NIV)

Do you know that kind of peace? I’m not talking about putting your head in the sand or state of ignorance.

I’m talking about peace that comes with believing that Jesus is who He says He is and regardless of how the world is crumbling around us, we don’t have to crumble with it.

It’s 2023. The world is still a mess. When I began this writing #tyrenichols was trending and Michigan State University had a mass shooting on their campus about a week prior. The reality is these past few years have messed with all of us in one way or another. Isolation is a real thing and not sure if I ever experienced it, before then.

I spent the first few months of the pandemic at home per doctor’s orders. The words, “I don’t think you would die if you got it.” helped me follow instructions. When you’re someone who struggles to recover from strep and has annual dates with bronchitis, you take his advice. I lost a best friend of 15 years for sharing my personal views and experiences with race. We gladly chose for our kids to complete the 2020-2021 school year at home, which put my career on hold and I said goodbye to a team of people I had loved working with for nearly 8 years.

This all gave me new experiences and taught me how to fight through some new challenges. So I’m here. We are here. We are going to share some of that. We are not going to address all the hot topics. This is not the place for “juicy” details about our journey through foster care and adoption. We will talk about foster care and adoption for sure. Why wouldn’t we? Really, as much as there is an outline, we are writing from and with freedom. I don’t know exactly what is coming. I do believe it will be good. The plan is for you to have something new to read 2-3 times a month.

We will talk about parenting, marriage, grief, finding Jesus at Aldi and seeking God in the midst of it all.

I’m using “we” because I’m not alone. No, my friends. I’m bringing some folks with me, fighting the same good fight in their own ways. We want you to know that wherever you are, you’re not alone. How many times do we think, “Am I really the only one who…I don’t know how to…”

It may shock you, but the folks coming with me aren’t celebrities or social media influencers. They’re everyday people. They’re your neighbors. They’re all over the country. Working in hospice taught me many things and one of the main things was this: the world is too distracted by drama and hot buttons to learn about and appreciate the person across from you. The “ordinary” people are the ones making our day to day lives happen. It’s almost uncanny because who does God use most often in the Bible? Ordinary people.

So here we are. A lot of life between us with a lot of experiences: illnesses, loss, growing families, not keeping up with the Joneses, frustration with the church, falling back in love with the church and everything in between. We are still standing with hope. 

If you don’t know me well, here are three random facts: I’m an autoimmune warrior, I love live music/concerts and I can juggle. Feel free to tell me about you in the comments!

Thanks for reading. See you next week!