standing with hope

let me tell you about my friend jackie

I met Jackie in 2006 in Long Beach, CA on a summer missions trip. It was a summer that changed my life in many ways, particularly in my understanding of diversity and poverty. We lived across the hall from each other at a hotel/motel on Ocean Blvd. We served in a women’s shelter together and when my room got bed bugs at the end of the summer, I spent more time in her room. Well, more than I already was. Jackie is one of those people with a kind, gentle spirit that catches your attention. It doesn’t take long to notice her quiet strength and infectious joy. Jackie has a niche for being an eternal optimist, minus the toxic positivity. She is always ready to remind me that Jesus is with me at all times and it makes me smile every time.

Her husband, Ryan, is one of those guys who is as good as he seems to be. Jackie has reminded me, more than once, that God knew our kids would be alive in this time and He knows their futures. So many people say that, but Jackie and Ryan live by it. They have 4 children, a son-in-law and a grandchild.

Layers of family formation

Like so many, from the outside looking in, the Hall family is picture perfect. Ryan is a photographer/videographer working as the Assistant Director of Multimedia Production for the United States Air Force Academy, but there’s no pun intended! Like so many, there are layers to the story and formation of their family. Jackie and Ryan grew up in New Mexico. They have been married for 15 years and 11 months. They met in high school and their relationship grew in Mariachi Band, which has always blown my Midwestern mind! Turns out this isn’t necessarily typical in NM, but it’s still super cool. Now residing in Colorado, the Halls are in their 6th year of fostering, adopted their oldest daughter in 2021, and are caring for their 13th foster placement. (Not including respites!)

You’d never know, but Jackie was that kid in high school moving from place to place.

She spent a year and a half living between two aunts and evaded the foster care system. Her senior year of high school she opted to move back home. She’d later learn that her aunt had offered to adopt her. “Things hadn’t really changed at home. But I was already doing everything for myself. And I knew I’d be headed to college soon and out of the house anyways.”

Jackie’s mom, who is a first generation Mexican American and 1 of 8 children, went on to graduate from college. She became the first ever in her family to do so. Jackie and her brother followed in those footsteps. She graduated from New Mexico State University. Life eventually moved her and Ryan away from friends and family to Colorado. As they began their new life in a new state, foster care became something that her and Ryan both grew interested in. “We knew a lot of people who were doing it. The Lord started to provide for us. We bought our home. Ryan got his job. So we started researching while we were buying a bigger car.”

With her own experience creating a great sense of empathy and knowing how important it is for teens to have stability, the Halls kept an open age range for children, including teenagers. “My own experience created a sense of empathy. It’s scary, to come into a situation where it’s not family. It’s tough even when it is family. It’s awkward no matter how well you know the people you are living with.” Jackie’s cousin, Sonja, always seemed more like her sister to me than a cousin. After I learned that Jackie lived with her family, that made way more sense. Ryan’s grandma remarried and her husband became like a father figure and “it was like it created a new family.” Layers.

And so it begins

When the Halls first began fostering their children were 4 (Amias), 2 (Audie) and 1 (Ava). Beginning their journey in foster care with young kids has created a culture for their family. This is their “normal”. While there have been bumps along the way with learning which ages work best depending on how old their kids are, Amias, Audie and Ava are always anticipating the next phone call. “Even if it’s been a more challenging placement, the kids miss them when they are gone.” Their kids are hands on and love helping care for any younger siblings.

“Their love and care is all by the grace of God. I don’t think I did anything special to prepare them. I do pray their hearts will remain soft.”

Jackie Hall

The age range of placements the Halls have accepted is newborn to teenagers. It’s not unusual to meet newborn placements in the NICU. Jackie and Ryan fostered two sisters who were older than their kids and realized that age group meshed well into their family life. They first met their oldest daughter, Maricela, while doing respite. Jackie remembers her feeling like a part of their family from the first time she came over. “They called us about a month later and said she needed long term placement. There wasn’t really a question. We never identified her as their ‘foster sister’. She was just ‘sis’ or ‘big sis’.”

“I think that people need to remember what it was like to be a teenager. You have to remember to not act before you react. Take a step back and put yourself in their shoes. I wanted to feel safe and loved, no matter what.” Adopting Maricela wasn’t about stopping a teenage girl from becoming a statistic. It’s deeper than that. She’s a young woman who has a whole life ahead of her. God has created her just as you and I were created and we were created for family and community. We are hardwired to belong. Jesus himself did not do ministry or life alone. It’s why death and loss are so hard for us. None of us are created to be alone.

Walking it out

“I don’t feel like anything special. I just feel like another person who said ‘yes’ and am walking this out. People are afraid to do it, but people are more capable than they think.”

The scripture that most often comes to Jackie’s mind is in 2 Corinthians 12:9. In prior verses the Apostle Paul is writing about remaining humble and not boasting as the world does. He has a thorn in his side and asks the Lord three times to remove it. In verse 9 Paul writes, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power works best in your weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

It’s a reminder that we are not alone in our struggles or in what has been laid before us. Foster and adoptive parents are often on a pedestal. Jackie and I laughed a lot and bemoaned some about this. Every time someone labels us an “angel” or “saint” or “earning extra treasure in Heaven” I cringe on the inside. I know the intentions behind those words are good, but listen, we have thorns in our sides. The only boasting that can happen is Jesus being true to His word, providing the strength when you think you possibly can’t handle one more tantrum or sleepless night. Opening your home and heart to what will inevitably be some of the hardest and best times of your life is an act of faith. It’s saying, “Hey, I know I am not perfect. But I’m believing that Jesus will be true to His promises and come through. My human ability will fail. Show your strength in my weakness.”

Ryan and Jackie are intentional about approaching the care for their family through teamwork. Ryan travels at times for work but is hands on when he’s home. He is intentional about making sure that Jackie is not being overwhelmed with their daily tasks, let alone the emotional weight that comes along with caring for kids who’ve been abused or neglected. They attend a support group together and step in for each other when one of them is overwhelmed. They try to spend as much time outside as possible, taking advantage of all the great hiking around them and mild weather.

Jackie made a great point in our conversation about this post. She said, “I think people should remember that this (fostering) doesn’t have to be for a lifetime. And it’s okay to take breaks.” The Halls have taken breaks to regroup or when going through major changes. Whether it was no placements or respite or only respite for a period of time. Also, if fostering is something you’ve ever considered or seems like a nagging that won’t go away, we encourage you to learn more about it. There’s most likely a reason it weighs on you and there’s certainly something you can do.

Building on my previous post about how everyone can do something to support the foster community, this is what has been most helpful to the Halls:

Bringing meals
Taking their bio kids places or neighbors scheduling play dates. *Little known fact is that not just anyone can watch kids placed in your care. So if you’re not an approved caregiver through the county with fingerprints, you actually can’t babysit to help out. So taking their bio kids for an ice cream or inviting them over for a movie is just as good!*
Bringing over coffee
Being intentional about prayer *you don’t have to know all the details of a child’s case, in fact, you shouldn’t. but intentionally praying for AND with foster families and the families they are involved with goes a long way*

Food for thought

“It’s hard when people want to talk about a ‘good adoption story’-they’re all broken (Stories). There’s so much that’s had to have happened for them to get here.”-Jackie

If you want to follow along with Jackie and Ryan you can check out their Instagrams:

/https://www.instagram.com/mrs_hall/

https://www.instagram.com/ryanhall.jpg/

T